Affejungen's Toyetic Universe: February 2009

I've really never used this site, or the previous one to do much in the way of toy reviews, and I occasionally wonder if that isn't a missed opportunity on my part. If you do enough of them and build up a good reputation for yourself, sometimes the toy companies will actually send you free swag! Swag! And while I may not love teh swag as much as General Tso's Chicken or hawt brunettes in black leather, free crap definitely places in my top ten!

Of course, I imagine the down side to getting samples gratis is that you can't then turn around and write a 100 word review that consists entirely of repeating "Screw Hasbro!" over and over - Well... you can, but the gravy train would probably come to a screeching halt after that. And, to paraphrase a certain masked vigilante: Even in the face of free swag - never surrender!

Which brings us to the subject of today's review: The long, long, loooong awaited Rorschach action figure from the equally long, long, loooong awaited Watchmen movie. Actually DC direct came this close to producing Watchmen toys years ago for the big 10th (15th? Gah! I'm so old!) anniversary of the original comic, but then Alan Moore had to get all Alan Moore-y about the whole thing and the toys were scrapped.

(For a guy who's pretty open about the fact that he thinks Rorschach is a reprehensible human being, Moore sure seems to emulate Kovac's distinctive uncompromising nature!)

So, anyhoo, it looks like Moore has little say over the movie's merchandising, resulting in we obsessive, sweaty, Rorschach-loving nerds finally getting a little plastic doggy butcher to call our own! But- as the cliche goes - was it worth the wait?

Short answer: Not so much.

The Watchmen toys are being produced by DC direct, which makes sense, as it's an R-Rated movie and last year's dark Dark Knight probably pushed the envelope for Mattel. You would think that means the toys would only be limited to comic book shops and online stores, but funnily enough, Toys R Us has a deal with Diamond Direct (the folks what supply comic book stores) and I walked into TRU today and found several pegs full of 'em, along with the giant-sized 13" Rorschach figure, but as that was Ninety Bucks(!) I passed.

(Actually, what I was there for was my much-desired 1980's style Wolverine figure, which, oddly, is part of the Wolverine movie toy line. And I found him! But, alas, the toys have a street date of March 1st, so I was denied my ultimate goal! Grrr!)

(And as a side-note to a side-note that may yet get us back on point, when the employees got a look at the Watchmen figures, they noticed both versions of Silk Spectre were a bit on the nipply side and predicted they'd have to yank the whole bunch. To which I decried "Why are you intent on taking all the goodness away? Why!?!")

Packaging: For some reason, toy reviews always have to talk about the packaging, which I find odd. I suspect the vast majority of collectors already know what toys they want to buy, if not from the moment they're announced, then at least as soon as they see the first in-focus pictures on teh internets. And kids, presumably the sort who would be lured in by bright primary-colored cardboard, don't read reviews.

For me, what the figure comes shipped in is a mild nuisance at best, as I have to somehow extract the precious, precious toy inside, and a major annoyance at worst, as "Mint On Card" is an excuse for re-sellers to jack up the price - and now with the whole AFA scam in full swing, quadruple that!

(But good luck with that whole business model over the next 12 months, there, fellas!)

DC Direct tends to use a box these days. A nice, rectangular box. You would think that last sentence would be unnecessary, but the nice folks over at Hasbro just love to issue product in tubes and half-tubes and funky bas-reliefs on the blisters and even their boxes have freaky notches and junk that get in the way of stacking them properly.

So, boxes are good. Even better, because you can cut the tape, open the flaps and slip out the tray inside without completely destroying everything, unlike what is often the case with figures on backer cards.

Rorschach was held in place with a single twist tie, again a nice contrast from the all-but-mummified-in-pseudo-rubber-bands approach that a certain company tends to favor.

There's also a cardboard insert behind the tray that can be removed and used as a mini diorama, featuring a famous little bit of graffiti.

The graphics on the box look fine, and you can see the four figures from Wave One featured prominently on the back, along with head shots of Wave Two (which were already on the pegs) and a blurb explaining just what in the hell Watchmen is all about, I suppose for the benefit of some guy who takes a Comedian home, mistaking him for some transition between the Big Boss Man and Doink the Clown.

Sculpt: Sadly, this is where Rorschach really falls down (Ahem. Literally!). The figure is really little more than a statuette, with cut joints at the shoulders, elbows, wrists and neck (and maybe the waist, didn't want to push it!) Even worse, rather than at least locking him in some sort of neutral stance, he is instead sculpted to appear like he's walking forward and glancing towards the ground ... at an angle! Because of the way his feet and legs are posed, he simply cannot stand up at all, without either a stand underneath him (luckily one is included) or leaning up against somebody else.

Now, as far as statues go, he's really quite nice for a piece at this scale, with lots of details in the fabric of his coat and all. And if you like that one scene in the movie where he just happens to be walking forward and looking down at an angle, well, then, this guy is for you!

Of course, being Rorschach, he doesn't really have a "face" per sae for the sculptor to try to replicate - although there is said to be an "unmasked" variant that I'm pretty sure is some damn exclusive to somebody. But, frankly, I would imagine the number of fans clamoring for a Walter Kovacs action figure is probably not that impressive. I know I aint one of them!

One last sculpt related item before moving on. DC Direct has a history of issues involving scale - and even some figures in the same sub-line (Hush) don't always come out looking correct when set up next to each other, but as the above picture shows, the Watchmen figures seem to be close enough to fit in with Mattel's DC 6" figures. Now, Rorschach is obviously not as bulky as Batman, but he's supposed to represent a "normal" human being, and frankly, Kovacs was depicted as being a little on the short and slight side, anyway.

Paint: While I'm not as dismissive of paint as an area of interest as I am with Packaging, it's just not something I have a good eye for. As a rule, if I notice it at all (or notice it's lack in some cases) then it's bad. In Rorschach's case, it's pretty good. Obviously, the biggest question is what pattern his mask forms, and to me it strongly resembles the infamous "pretty butterfly" / "split-open dog skull" shape, which I approve of. Other than that, his pants seem a bit more comic-accurate purplish than I would have expected from the movie, but not a bad thing. And the wash they did on his coat looks good and helps to bring out the details, as a wash should.

(I never quite appreciated how important such seemingly small things were until Hasbro took over Marvel Legends. Vast expanses of monochromatic plastic! Wheee! )

Accessories: Rorschach comes with his grapnel gun, a second right hand, sculpted so as to facilitate holding said gun, the display stand, and some odd little bits that I guess go along with the stand. Oddly, the foot pegs are separate pieces, and there are three potential spots on the stand to place them, which makes me think they chose the modular design so they could reuse the same stand for everyone in the line.

Other than that, bupkis. The hat doesn't come off, and as I mentioned, "unmasked" Walter is being sold as a separate toy, so no extra head. I'd complain more, but that's pretty much comparable with what other toy lines at this scale / price point give you.

Value: The toy was 16:99 at Toys R Us, before tax! DC Universe Classics, which is actually licensed from DC to Mattel and features way more articulation at roughly the same scale (with a build-a-figure piece thrown in t'boot) are running about twelve. Considering the line is geared more for a "specialty" market rather than a "mainstream" one, it's not outrageously high, but it's not exactly a bargain, either. Given what an iconic character Rorschach has become, it's weak sauce paying a premium for such a mediocre, McFarlane-esque hunk of plastic.

Having said all that, I may yet pick up the Comedian, should I see him again. Partly because from what I could see, he had more of a neutral looking stance, and it appeared as though his legs featured articulation (if limited)... but mostly because he does just look so damn cool!

So, I found Hasbro's new 4" Marvel line at Toys R Us this weekend. Now, having spent rather a considerable amount of time and money putting together a sizable 6" Marvel collection, I'm not entirely keen to jump into a second scale feet first. On the other hand, the chance to get Wolverine and Hobgoblin figures fully compatible with my Star Wars figures and GI Joes is a dream I've long held since the days of the Mattel's Secret Wars toys. Also, my experiences with Marvel Legends has taught me that if there's any possible chance that I might want one of these guys at any point down the road, it's best to grab him now, rather than take the risk that it becomes that one insanely rare, overpriced piece. (*cough*cough*Smart Hulk*cough*cough*)

So, anyhoo... I picked up both versions of Iron Man. When I got them home I was happy to learn that they, like most of Hasbro's figures these days, feature a ball-jointed neck, which makes for ease of customizing for those of us with little skill. Unfortunately, there's no consistency with the size of the ball...er.. knob... er... thingy...

Fine. The Neck Phallus.

So the heads don't always fit. That being said, I was keen to see if I could swap out the head from a Biggs figure to make for a sweet Tony Stark Unmasked. Turns out, if fit like a charm! Yay!

Unfortunately, if I kept him this way, it meant that I'd have to get another Biggs. The figure I was using was Imperial Pilot Biggs from the Imperial Pilot Evolutions 3-Pack.

(Basically, Biggs just before he and his buddies mutiny on the Rand Ecliptic and jump over to the Rebellion. I was at TRU on a subsequent trip, and a kid was eyeing the set and asked out loud why he would be with the Bad Guys. I almost explained the deal, but I didn't want to be Creepy Old Toy Store Guy.)

Anyhoo, anyhoo... I told my friend Mike about my "Tony Stark" and how I wasn't looking forward to hunting down an extra Biggs. Turns out he'd picked up three of the sets for the Imperial Pilots (to be fair, I once bought two of the Target ARC Battlepacks so I could crew out their matching ARC-170. Cursed third seat!) and had two extra Biggs just lying around!

Yay!

So pay attention, here's the thick of the plot: Mike hits the post office today to mail off Mr. Darklighter and the worker taking the package asks him if there's anything fragile in it.

"Probably," Mike says, "But he only really wants the head!"

Best. Hobby. EVAH! :D

On the cheese-related front, long-time friends know all too well I'm a fiend for the Nacho Cheese flavored Doritos, but lately I've been dipping 'em in Jalapeno Chedder dip.

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